Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Kitchen is Redolent

The kitchen is redolent with apple pie and hawaiian pizza. More carbs have been consumed tonight than in the past week. It sure felt great, but wow, my blood sugar is through the roof!

I am left feeling like there is no real hope of ever seeing bread make a comeback in my life.

I read about a woman today, who after her gastric bypass surgery, a year later was able to come off all of her diabetes meds. Nice. I could deal with that. If only it didn't also involve more surgery.

I read a website last month that talked about the "raw food" solution... basically eating nothing cooked or frozen. Really limits the range of foods, but hey, for a few months... it might be worth it. Heck, if I cant kick this weight issue and the concomitant diabetes mess, I am up a creek. It has been a year since I walked out of the hospital. I feel in some ways like I have made so little progress. I am nowhere near ready for another surgery to fix all that is still broken. My insurance company decided last week that all of my physical therapy visits for the past six months are being denied payment. My disability claim was denied. Hasn't really made this fall feel very welcoming.

And then I think about where I was in August of 2009. Getting ready for a surgery I didn't feel good about. Scared about being out of work for a few weeks. Feeling nervous about the pain potential. It feels like that was a lifetime ago.

So... no new pictures today. I had planned on heading out into the windy raining sideways Ithacation today... but good sense got the better of me. I took the van to be worked on... only to leave 10x more frustrated than when I arrived. I hate our local Toyota dealership. Hate is too small a word. If it were anything other than a recall, I would have gone anywhere else. Walked around in the rain for two hours, waiting for a 2inch part to be installed. My kid could have installed it in 20 min. Didn't leave me with much confidence or patience. Got home to a mountain of bills that seems insurmountable. Paid a few.

And then, WHAM.

Day was over. Kid was home, happy to be here. With not much in the way of creativity, I gave in. In the end, bread won out. Pizza crust made the rain easier to bear. Cinnamon helped take the edge off the raging winds that swept through our hilltops today. My heart wants to know if we're going to make rock candy in my veins soon. Sure seems that way.

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