Friday, July 6, 2012

My Darker Side

The title for this post is only slightly ironic. Today qualifies as a pretty rotten day. Everything I touched turned to shit. I found myself unable to talk to anyone without feeling like my foot was firmly shoved in my mouth. Nothing worked the way I needed it to. In the end, I couldn't even fall asleep because my body was wracked so hard by the frustration.

Taking it out on my family was the worst part. I have tried so hard to keep my depression, anxiety, etc from ruling my life. Sometimes the PTSD rears its head. When that happens, all bets are off. The best thing I can do is to just go away for a while. Find some place where I won't be in the way, or have the potential to say or do something awful. It takes such a long time for the emotional hurricane to pass.

I know that everyone is entitled to have a bad day now and then. I would certainly expect that of anyone I know. I guess I just didn't expect this day to suck this bad. My hope is that when tomorrow begins to wrap up, and the weekend peeks over the setting sun, I will feel better about the week as a whole.


  1. You know, given people's interest in vampires, wherewolves etc, the dark forces (aka evil in the world) have become represented by these creatures. Perhaps we could give our own dark forces some characterizations, and then fight them in gallant battles. I've not been doing much fighting lately, more like being fixed in fugue state and letting the dark side just flow through me. So my simple goal for today is to look for something I find beautiful. The idea of fun is so alien, it's like breathing green water. Hang in there...this too shall change (she says hopefully).

  2. Love you, sweetheart. Today will be a better day.

  3. Too true Barbara. If folks really saw themselves as the greater evil, maybe then they would find the tools to do something to change things.

    As for doing something fun... it is surely a challenge. Hoping to write about that issue for me, soon. I also hope to write about hyper-vigilance. We'll see. So much to write and so little time.