|macro photograph of my water glass, taken with my iPhone4 and a strap on macro lens|
On the 11th and 12th of October, Nancy and I celebrate a whole host of special days in our lives. The 12th of October is the day we got married, eleven years ago. The 11th is the day that I first walked into Nancy's office and asked her out on a date. I had no idea it was also her birthday. So many wonderous things tied up in those two days.
I think that is why I struggle with reflecting on the other celebration that happens for us on the 11th of October. It is the day I woke up from the coma. This year, we did our best to not let old memories intrude on the new life we are making for ourselves. I figured, it could wait. There is always plenty of time for reflection.
Today I reflect.
How do you say "thank you" to someone who has sat by your bedside, for a month... when every day the doctors had nothing but bad news? How do you say you "are sorry" for all the grief that came afterwards....the rehab, the bills, the closing of the pottery studio, the disolution of a dream, the bankruptcy, the legal morass.. all of it?
I had no idea what was in store when I woke up four years ago. It seems like a lifetime ago now. In some ways it is. When I woke up, and looked into Nancy's beautiful eyes, I saw the look of someone who was so glad to see me, so excited to see me alive, so grateful to know I was there...and I couldn't say a word. When she saw my frustration and understood that all I could do was cry, she asked me if I was trying to tell her that I loved her. More tears.
As I reflect on the time since the coma, and the time before the coma, I often skip over the time in the coma. I have avoided writing about it for months now. I figure it is not something most folks want to read. At this point, I think that anyone that bothers to read this blog can either skip over the scary stuff or go look at cat pictures on the intertubes. This blog has always been about my way of seeing things. Which means that as I begin more reflecting, I will begin to flesh out some of the coma stories. There is a mountain of time that passed for me.... many many years. Different places, different times, very different lives... but all of those memories are still very much a part of me now.
My hope is that by spending a little bit of time reflecting on those experiences, and sharing them, perhaps some of these memories will soften with the telling. To that end, I welcome your comments and questions as I begin to share my reflections on that very strange time in my life.